Archive Logo.jpg

January 03, 2006

Clueless in Eden

It seems appropriate, in light of the recent flurry of feminine snarkiness comments some of the Denizennes have made, to dedicate this cautionary tale to AFSis, Kat-missouri, FbL and Bostonmaggie...

And God created Man, and He called the Man *Adam*...

And God said unto Adam, "Adam, I have a task for thee."

And Adam replied, "Sure thing. What do You want me to do?"

And God said, "Goeth thou down into that valley..."

And Adam said, "What's a valley?"

And God explained it to him...

Then God said, "...then crosseth thee the river..."

And Adam said, "What's a river?"

And God explained it to him...

Then God said, "...then goeth thou over to the hill..."

And Adam said, "What's a hill?"

And God explained it to him...

Then God said, "...and on the other side of the hill wilt thou find a cave."

And Adam said, "What's a cave?"

And God explained it to him...

Then God said, "In the cave, thou wilt find a Woman."

And Adam said, "What's a Woman?"

And God explained it to him...

Then God said, "I want thee to reproduce."

And Adam said, "How do I do that?"

And God said (under his breath), "Aw, geez..."

And God explained it to him...

And Adam betook himself down into the valley, across the river, over the hill, into the cave and found the Woman.

And in about five minutes, he was back.

Then God, his patience wearing thin, sighed mightily and said, "*NOW* what?!?"

And Adam said, "What's a headache?"

--H/t to V29

UPDATE: This just in from a feminist sympathizer. In order to view it, you must either be of legal age and have a sense of humor unimpaired by any preconceived notions that the female of the species is genetically disposed toward nurturing or you can just click on Flash traffic.
Some assembly required, batteries not included.

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(Because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(They don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(They don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know...it's never happened)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Gratuitous disclaimer: Now we need to find out why *women* snore...