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December 22, 2005

And in keeping with what may (or may not) be considered tradition

Please accept (with no obligation, implied or implicit), our best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the Winter Solstice Holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of either the religious persuasion or the secular practice of your choice (with all due respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and a fiscally-successful, personally-fulfilling, and medically-uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (which is not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is indeed the only "America" in the western hemisphere) and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTABILITY
[By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.]

Heh. Now that *that's* out of the way...

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says, "Hi! My name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde chirps, "Hi! My name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. Breathlessly, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up and knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says, "Hi! My name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window and, after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi! My name is Jack and it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the salt truck!!"