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December 15, 2005

It's All Relative

It's presently fifteen degrees (Fahrenheit; minus ten Celsius for the metricians) outside, which is a bit nippy for Jersey this early in the season.

Of course, Neffi's probably thinking, "Whiner." Geez--read on, MacDuff...

But while everybody around here's huddled around a nice hot cuppa and complaining about the sudden absence of global warming, I got to thinking--after we'd been in Bosnia a couple of months, we didn't even bother putting our jackets on until the ambient ambiance dipped below minus twenty or so.

It just depends on what you're used to--f'r instance:

( F / C )
+50 / +10
· New York tenants try to turn on the heat
· People from New Jersey plant gardens
+40 / +4
· Californians shiver uncontrollably
· Alaskans sunbathe
+35 / +2
· Italian cars don't start
+32 / 0
· Distilled water freezes
· DoD deploys 10th ID from Fort Drum, NY, to Guantanamo Bay
+30 / -1
· You can see your breath
· You plan a vacation to anywhere in Florida
· Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
· Alaskans eat ice cream
+25 / -4
· Lake Erie water freezes
· Californians weep pitiably
· Dog insists on sleeping on your bed
+20 / -7
· New York water freezes
· San Franciscans start thinking favorably of L.A.
· Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

More in Flash traffic.

+15 / -10
· You plan a vacation in Cancun
· Dog insists on sleeping IN your bed with you
· Japanese cars don’t start
· Alaskans go swimming
+10 / -12
· Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
· Too cold to snow
· American cars don't start
0 / -18
· New York landlords turn on the heat
· Canadians grill hot dogs on the patio
-5 / -21
· You can HEAR your breath
· You plan a vacation in Hawaii
-10 / -23
· German cars don't start
· DoD deploys 82nd Airborne from Fort Bragg, NC, to Greenland for peacekeeping mission
-15 / -26
· You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
· People from Miami cease to exist
· Canadians lick flagpoles
-20 / -29
· Politicians actually do something about the homeless
· Alaskans think about taking down screens
-25 / -32
· Too cold to kiss
· You need jumper cables to get the driver going
· SUVs don't start
· Maple Leafs head for spring training
-30 / -34
· You plan a two-week hot bath
· Pilsener beer freezes
· Bock beer production begins
· Alaskans think about shoveling snow off roof
-38 / -39
· Mercury freezes
· Too cold to think
· Canadians button their top button
-40 / -40
· Californians disappear
· Alaskans put on sweaters
· Your CAR insists on sleeping in your bed with you
-50 / -46
· Congressional hot air freezes
· Alaskans close the bathroom window
· Green Bay Packers practice indoors
-60 / -51
· Walruses abandon Aleutians
· Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
· Alaskans put gloves away, take out mittens
· Boy Scouts in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby
-70 / -57
· Glaciers in Central Park
· Hudson Bay residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
· Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Niagara Ice Wall
-80 / -62
· Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
· DoD deploys all units at Fort Polk, LA, to the Balkans (again)
-90 / -68
· Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
· Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
· Canadians migrate to New York thinking it MUST be warmer south of the border
-100 / -73
· Santa Claus abandons North Pole
· Canadians pull down earflaps
-173 / -114
· Ethyl alcohol freezes
-297 / -183
· Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
· Microbial life survives only on dairy products from Wisconsin
-445 / -265
· Superconductivity in metals
-452 / -269
· Helium becomes a liquid
· Superconductivity in people
-454 / -270
· Hell freezes over
-456 /-271
· Jersey drivers drop below 75mph in 55mph zones on the Turnpike
-458 / -272
· Teddy Kennedy renounces a campaign contribution
-460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
· All atomic motion ceases
· Alaskans start thinking it's a tad nippy outside
· DoD deploys 25th ID from Hawaii to Irkutsk for Joint Exercise with 375th Siberian Snowshoe Infantry

Heh. H/t to McLeod (by now, you guys must've twigged to the Canadian Connection). BTW, most of Iraq has voted by now--have you? Voting ceases at midnight, so we should know within 24 hours if John's gonna open a magnum or a vein...