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October 28, 2005

Woe, O Woe.

New Jersey has no current Official Slogan. The last one worth mentioning was “New Jersey and You: Perfect Together”--problem was, you had to say it in a Tom Kean accent (think Bill Buckley on downers) to get a decent chuckle out of it, to wit: “New Juhsey and You: Puhfick Togethah.”

Its successor was “New Jersey: A Garden of Diversity.”

Right. That one sure brought an influx of tourists from Ohio (“Pack the bags, Maude! We’re off to Jersey to see that new Diversity Garden!”). Soooo, the Fraternal Socialist Ministry Department of Tourism took the initiative by the horns and shelled out $267,000 for a slogan guaranteed to pack ‘em in like sardines in EVOO.

“New Jersey--We’ll Win You Over.”

*sigh* They spent $267K for something that sounds like rejected dialogue from “The Empire Strikes Back.”

To his everlasting credit, the Acting Gov told the Fraternal Socialist Ministry Department of Tourism to return to the drawing board, posthaste, and deposit the $44,500-per-word slogan in the nearest available dumpster.

The way I figger, there’s some bucks to be made in the slogan-writing biz. But I can’t decide whether to slant the entry toward
Traditional (“The Garden State. Full of Blooming Idiots.”),
Historical (“New Jersey: Connecting New York and Delaware for Over 200 Years.”),
Logical (“Why Do We Call It the Turnpike When It’s So Friggin’ Straight?”),
Commercial (“Serving Your Mobster Disposal Needs for A Century.”),
Folksy (“If It’s Good Enough for Hoffa, It’s Good Enough for Me.”) or
Futuristic (“New Jersey: Get Out While You Can!”)

Anybody else? If you come up with a winner and the Acting Gov buys off on it, I'll betcha there’s at least a ten-spot in it for both of us.

Ummmmmm, maybe not. The way the budget’s shaping up, we might just get a voucher for a dozen doughnuts left over from the graveyard shift at the local Cop Shop…