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October 14, 2005

Taking up the slack

Slacker my friggin' left testic probably wouldn't be my word-of-choice to describe someone who keeps pullin' your pudgy butt off the griddle sacrifices soooo unselfishly to let your sorry butt sleep in allow you some much-needed weekend-long hangover recovery Saturday morning respite from the week's endeavors.

There. I feel like an idiot much more like downing a six-pack of Lysol than ever at peace with myself for having scraped that off the bottom of my shoe said those few words...

Morning drive-time's been much more amusing since the AM Talkers discovered the Zarqawi / Zarahiri memo (thirteen pages isn't a memo, it's a Tom Clancy prologue), particularly since most of 'em haven't the vaguest clue about the ramifications of our spooks grabbing it. Some interesting takes--yup, plural--on it at Fuzzybear Lioness' place here (the prequel) and here. And, if you're curious as to what makes FbL's heart go pit-a-pat, stop in for a conversation.

Oh, yeah--the milblogs have their own slant on it, too--semi-live, from the folks of TF Katrina: Dude! Where's My Book?

And, speaking of neat stuff you don't get from the MSM, you guys *do* remember we hotlinked CENTCOM, don't you? Gratuitous memory-jogger: right sidebar, official seal, United States Central Command in a tasteful Arial Narrow verdigris...

Okay...lessee here

*rummaging around in the Big Bag of Boz Trons*

The most boring portion in any deployment is the period of time after the unofficial transfer of duties and responsibilities to your relief. After the SFOR-11 folks got their Death-by-PowerPoint briefings, their orientations, their classes on what does what, their warnings about the quirks of the polarity-sensitive Europlugs for the computers, etc., there was *nothing* to do until the plane came to bring us back home.

Except babysit the new guys. Some days--and nights--had more amusement value than others...

TINS!* With enough acronyms and abbreviations to make Barb's day...

-----Original Message-----

From: Tuttle, William CW4
Sent: Thursday, March 21, 2002 4:55 AM
To: [*distinguished military addressees names deleted by author because they know where I live*]; Aviation BN TOC Comanche
Subject: Proposed name change for Eagle Base

Two SFOR-11 crewchiefs got stranded here last night and wandered into the TOC, looking for a ride back to Eagle or a place to spend the night on Comanche. TF Pegasus leaped to the rescue with transportation and CW2 S-P coordinated entry of the rescue force (a Hummvee plus armed occupants) with Eagle BDOC. I dispatched SPC McS to accompany SPC Y in order to preserve personnel integrity and Force Protection IAW the IMPIN-announced Threat Level (B3I). PFC B accompanied them to preclude any snickering from the vulgar-minded among you.

The rescuers departed on their mission of mercy at 0030. Tuck this time into your subconscious--there will be a test.

Getting onto Eagle was not a problem, despite the the TL of C2I posted prominently at the gate. SPC Y told the gate guard, "We'll be back in five minutes," was allowed entry onto Eagle and the crewchiefs were delivered to their quarters without incident. So far, so good.

On their return to Eagle Gate, the rescuers were stopped IAW Force Protection procedures and informed that they couldn't depart Eagle Base because they were not a four-vehicle convoy of up-armored Hummvees. When SPC Y asked the guard if the Force Protection Posture had changed in the preceeding three minutes, he was told, "No, it's still Charlie."

"Charlie what?"


"Anything in addition to 'Charlie'?"

(Looking at the FP notice) "Charlie...India."

"Any, like, vehicle movement code with that?"

"Charlie. India."

The conversation went downhill from there. When SPC Y asked if he could use the guard shack telephone to call Comanche TOC, he was told, "No." When he asked if he could use the guard shack telephone to call the Eagle BDOC, he was told, "No." When he asked if the gate guard would kindly have one of his fellow guards use the guard shack telephone to call Eagle BDOC, he was told, "No." When he informed the gate guard that he, SPC McS and PFC B were expected back at their duty locations, he was told, "You have to stay here." When SPC Y pointed out that there were no accommodations available at Eagle (visualize the "No Vacancy" sign at the Kit Carson Inn flashing forlornly in the fog, here), he was told, "Sleep in your vehicle." When SPC Y drew the guard's attention to the fact that SPC McS was a female and complying with the guard's suggestion would lead to unseemly speculation on the part of the vulgar-minded, he received a blank stare, not unlike that of a deer caught in your high beams.

SPCs Y and McS (and PFC B--you forgot all about PFC B, didn't you? Shame.) then turned around and proceeded back onto Eagle in search of a telephone. After discovering that the passenger terminal and every other public facility on Eagle (including the DFAC) locks its doors and/or its telephones after all the cappuccino bars close, they succeeded in convincing the night shift at the White House that they weren't itinerant al-Q'aeda and received permission to make a phone call to the Eagle BDOC.

When they got back to the gate, a different guard was on duty. After reading them the entire contents of the Force Protection Code booklet, he allowed them to proceed out the gate and return to Comanche.

Now for the test (I told you there would be a test--stop whining): If a rescue mission leaves Comanche at 0030 for a twenty-minute round trip to drop off some crewchiefs at Eagle, when will they arrive back at Comanche?

If you answered, "Two-and-a-half hours later," you are absolutely correct.

Since Comanche is closed (at least, according to Stars & Stripes and Talon), we must be the Lost Slides of some laudanum-besotted staff officer’s PowerPoint briefing and this means that the Hotel California, aka the Two-Story-Building-Where-the-VIPs-Stay is now officially dis-named. In order to maintain a certain continuity with our Peacekeeping predecessors, therefore, I would like to suggest that Eagle Base be officially redesignated "The Hotel California."

Because you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. Ever.

The best reply I got was from our XO. See Flash traffic / Extended entry...

U R DA MAN. Hey Bill I guessed three hours. SSOOOO if I add the initial starting time to the 2.5 hours I get three. So can I assume that I got the test correct since my answer was three? The math works? Add the start time with your total drop off time and you get three. SSOOOO I think I should get extra credit since I included the initial 0030 min. Which if not considered would have the rescue party departing at some other time. Hey if they left earlier they would of even left on another day. So this entire affair could of had a two-day span if we just forget the initial 0030 min departure. So if you now include the time that this mission was started. When we were notified that this crew needed to be rescued you cannot infer that this mission did in fact have a two-day time span. So your theory is in error if you still use the initial 0030 min start time. It is my recommendation that we now use the time that Pegasus was first notified of this rescue mission. You need to include the staffing that was involved in this missions well. Who answered the phone at Pegasus? Who took the lead in insuring that all requirements were met to insure the safety of our precious cargo the crew chiefs. Were the crew chiefs aware of the peril they were placing the rescue team in. Was the commander aware that his brave soldiers were attempting this rescue mission spanning two days? Good did they have ample water and MREs. Can I put them in for an award? I have already got the JVB staff working on gathering information from all our contacts who might have been involved with this mission. We are going to recommend to the “army of blum” that these brave selfless serving soldiers be awarded something for they’re stupidly! Oppss did I say that? So a two day rescue mission if we really look into this I am sure that we will uncover that the real time is not 2.5 hours but in fact 2.5 DAYS.

Heh. Warts and all. But when he makes Battalion Commander, he'll take care of his troops like a mama bear with an attytood...

CW4BillT | Permalink | Comments (13) | I think it's funny!
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