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October 07, 2005

Continuing the assault on...

...the Mother Church's hold on scripture started by Gutenberg (down Jim, down big fella!) we offer up these tidbits of new versions of the bible, making Scripture accessible for all! Plus, ain't it grand, that no one is going to send a hit squad with dull knives to saw off my head for publishing these...?)

Starting with:

It's the new txtament, mate By Nick Squires in Sydney (Filed: 07/10/2005)

Not content with a Strine version of the Bible, Australia has translated the Old and New Testaments into text message language.

"In da Bginnin God cre8d da heavens & da earth," the SMS (short message service) version begins. "Da earth waz barren, wit no 4m of life; it waz unda a roaring ocean cuvred wit dRkness."

The Bible Society in Australia, which has produced the translation, hopes that young people will send their family or friends verses which can be accessed free over the internet.

But older people may feel that the text version lacks the gravitas and elegance of the original.

"The old days when the Bible was available only in a sombre black cover with a cross on it are long gone," Michael Chant, of the Bible Society, said. "We want to open it up for people of all ages, backgrounds and interests and the SMS version is a logical extension of that."

The idea came from the son of a society employee in Sydney and it took one person a month to convert the entire New and Old Testaments into SMS text.

Mr Chant said that biblical words of wisdom could be sent to comfort a friend or relative.

"Other people might just want to send a daily Bible recording to themselves to meditate on while they are on the bus or having their lunch," he said.

But wait! There's more!

The Virgin Mary is a "pretty special sheila" who wraps her nipper in a bunny rug and tucks him up in a cattle feed trough, according to a new Australian version of the Bible. The Three Wise Men are "eggheads from out east" who follow a star to find the baby Jesus and announce their arrival with: "G'day, Your Majesty!" The Good Samaritan is a "grubby old street sweeper" who patches up the victim of a highway robbery with his first aid kit, then drops him off at the nearest pub.

And shoot, I missed this version on the big tables at Sam's Club:

'Erotic' pictures to bring Bible back into fashion By Jessica Berry (Filed: 27/05/2001)

A GLOSSY magazine-style version of the Old Testament, featuring leading models pictured by the world's leading fashion photographers, will be unveiled later this year.

Claudia Schiffer and Markus Schenkenberg are the models expected to portray Eve and Adam in a project designed to attract young people who rarely read the bible.

Gustaf-Wilhelm Hellstedt, one of four Swedish entrepreneurs behind the idea, said: "Forget those old sketches in the Bible. Instead of a boring drawing of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we may well have a couple walking down a New York street, kissing."

And this one! I missed this one, too!

A BIBLE for bikers in which Christ's blood is compared to the oil in a motorbike will be released by the Bible Society later this month.

The idea is that of Alan Lowther, an atheist turned Christian minister, president of the Christian Motorcyclists' Association and the "driving force" behind the new Manual for Life.

The Bible Society, whose patrons include the Queen and Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, says the version of the New Testament will "make Scripture more real and appealing to this sub-culture".

It uses the controversial Contemporary English Version of the New Testament which critics last year denounced as the "soap opera" Bible for its simplified prose. On the cover is a colourful collage of motorcycles and the message: "Discover the freedom of the open road."