For example: one evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, and she eventually said, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "Huh? What was that?" So she said the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear: "You're just not in touch enough with my emotional needs as a woman for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am, and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day, I opted to take the day off from work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at [insert name of large unnamed department store]. I walked around with her while she tried on several different (and very expensive) outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her, “We'll just buy them all.”

She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said, “Just get a pair for each outfit.”

We went onto the jewelry department, where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was excited, even though she must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet -- she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was definitely excited. She finally said, "I think this is all, dear. Let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank. Her jaw dropped and she said, “Huh? "WHAT?!?"

I said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch enough with my financial needs as a man for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she started to look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am, and not for the things I buy you?"