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April 09, 2005

Rules of the Air

This is an oldie-but-goodie, updated, amended and modified for the non-zoomie Denizens. I thought it'd be appropriate, given John's penchant for posting pix of aircraft in various stages of distress...

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. Unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back—then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is only a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually see the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A good landing is one from which you can walk away. A great landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of takeoffs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

And click on Flash Traffic (extended entry) for the remainder (gotta keep you awake somehow...)

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters don't fly; they vibrate so much and make so much noise that the earth rejects them. [*my personal favorite*]

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is an ungodly uproar coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience is usually the result of bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things in the world are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.

25. Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.

26. If God had meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.

27. Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first.

28. Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.

29. A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going around and around and reciprocating parts going up and down -- all of them trying to become random in motion. Right now.

30. Hey, Lootenant, was that a landing or were we shot down?

31. Trust your stick buddy but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

32. Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn Bridge. And if he relies on winds-aloft reports, he can be sold Niagara Falls.

33. Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.

34. The only thing worse than a Pilot in Command who was never a Copilot is a Copilot who once was a Pilot in Command.

35. Be nice to your Platoon Leader. He’ll be the Commander of your next unit.

36. Any attempt to stretch your fuel is guaranteed to increase your headwind.

37. A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse.

38. Son, I was flying Cobras for a living when you were still in liquid form.

39. It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. Start with a large fortune.

40. A fool and his money are soon flying more helicopter than he can handle.

41. Remember, you're always a student in a helicopter.

42. You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

43. Attack Aviation is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.

44. Asking a pilot what he thinks of DES is like asking a fireplug what it thinks of dogs. [Note: DES = Directorate of Evaluation and Standardization. Ask three different DES types what color ink you're supposed to use filling out the logbook and you'll get three different answers: blue, black and pencil...]

45. Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn't have to go on all those trips.

46. Gravity never loses. The best you can hope for is a draw.

47. You can only tie the record for flying low.

CW4BillT | Permalink | Comments (57) | Plane P0rn
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