Surreptitiously acquired AAR.

Regular readers know that the Armorer finds Bill the Rotorhead's flight safety stories bemusing - because they are all in the first person. This would indicate that Bill is perhaps, well, a *lucky* pilot. Or something else.

It's something else. There has been a horrific price to pay. A Castle Argghhh! TINS Productions, Special Report:

To: Mortal Plane Command, Guardian Angel Rapid Deployment Base ARCHON Re: AAR- Tuttle Squad, [date redacted]

Relief Commander Tertius sends:

1. Current Squad Status:
ANG1C Dolorius - severe wing sprain, slight loss of sanctity (doubting
wisdom of Command). Unable to resume duties.
ANGSPC Effluvius - MIA. Last seen holding on rotor of Tuttle's
helicopter with bare hands.
ANGSPC Malodorus - minor wing sprain, 30% loss of feathers, currently undergoing gravel removal surgery at Celestial General Hospital. Has requested transfer to war zone "for rest and recuperation".
ANGMSG Carborundum - severe loss of sanctity (profanity, rude gestures, anatomically implausible suggestions sent to Command).
Mental Health reports slight progress using thorazine and stuffed
animals. Unable to resume duties.
ANG1LT Excelsius - 20% loss of feathers, structural damage to halo,
shell shock. Recommend light duty where unlikely to experience sudden loud noises.

2.Squad Activity: during the 24 hour duty cycle, squad successfully defended against the following

a) Suicide Bird attacks
b) gremlins
c) Maint. crew errors
d) meteors
e) High-energy cosmic rays
f) rain of frogs
g) REE (Random Entropy Events, e.g. "Jesus Nut" loss)

[details redacted]

3. Recommendations:
a) Duty cycle reduced to 12 hours or less
b) Emergency Interceptor Teams on call for high-speed incidents
c) If 24 hour duty cycle retained, 2 or more squads for this human. We just can't keep up!
d) Issue improved Shield of Righteousness to Angels given first-contact roles
e) hazardous duty bonus increase

So. Now we know the cost. I hope the end result is worth the price they are paying.

(rubbing head)

(raspy whisper)

"The horror... the horror..."

Many bedoodlewhoopies died to get this information. They literally had to go through Hell to get to the MPC. BCR barely escaped with her chassis!

Hat tip to Bad Cat Robot for providing this vital information!