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February 25, 2005

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...

You might be a redneck pilot if:

--your stall warning horn plays "Dixie."

--your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.

--you think sectional charts should show trailer parks.

--you've ever used moonshine as gas.

--your wheel pants have mud flaps.

--those mud flaps sport a chrome silhouette of a reclining nude.

--you think GPS stands for "Going Perfectly Straight."

--your toothpick keeps poking your boom mike.

--you constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.

--you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.

--you fuel your Cessna from a Mason jar.

--you wouldn't be caught dead flyin' a Grumman "Yankee."

--you refer to flying in formation as "We got ourselves a convoy!"

--there is a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service.

--the set of "matched luggage" you take on your long cross-country flights is three grocery sacks from the same Piggly Wiggly.

--you subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper.

--just before impact, you are heard saying, "Hey y'all, watch this!"