Archive Logo.jpg

January 21, 2005


MSM Anchors Dan Rather and Peter Jennings, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts, along with a paratrooper assigned to protect them, were hiking through the desert in Iraq one day when they were captured by Iraqi murder bombers and others of unsavory ilk. They were tied up, led to a village, and brought before the leader. The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish; so, before we dismember and kill you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song 'O Canada' one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. Paratrooper, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the a$$," said the grunt. "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the a$$," insisted the soldier. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the a$$. The troop went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a Desert Eagle .40 S&W from inside his DBUs, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leaped to his ruck, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the insurgs were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the paratrooper was untying Rather, Jennings, and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the a$$?"

"What?" replied the exasperated troop, "And have you three a$$holes call me the aggressor?"

Hat tip to Mike L.