Day By Day© by Chris Muir - Get This Guy Syndicated!

June 30, 2004

(Tongue Firmly in Cheek) Al-Qaeda Cola?

Let me share this with you. The world I live in. What's funniest about it - it's true. And (aside from the legal implications) I can't argue with the response, either. Ya can't make this stuff up.

THIS SECURITY BULLETIN APPLIES TO ALL SSCC SITES/FACILITIES/RESTRICTED AREAS WHERE CLASSIFIED/SENSITIVE OPERATIONS ARE CONDUCTED

The SSCC Security Office was recently informed that the Coca Cola Company has a summer game promotion running from 5/17 - 7/12/04 in all 50 states and the District of Columbia that has the capability to compromise classified information. The company has intermixed approximately 120 Coca-Cola cans that actually contain GPS locators equipped with a SIM card, keypad and GPS chip transponder so it functions as a cell phone and GPS locator. The cans are concealed in specially marked 12, 18, 20, or 24 can multi-packs of Coca-Cola Classic, Vanilla Coke, Cherry Coke and Caffeine Free Coke. The hi-tech Coke
"Unexpected Summer" promotion can has a button, microphone, and a tiny speaker on the outside of the can. Pressing the larger red button starts the game in process, thus activating the GPS signal and a cell phone used by the customer to call a special hotline. Consumers who find these cans, activate the technology, and call the hot line must agree to allow Coke "search teams" using the GPS tracker (accurate to within 50 feet), to surprise them anyplace, anytime within three weeks to deliver a valuable prize.

Until such time as this sales promotion ends and all 120 cans are accounted for, Coca-Cola packages must be opened and inspected before taking them into any area marked as a" Restricted Area" or SSCC work site where the location is sensitive or classified meetings/discussions, etc. are in progress or have the potential to occur at any time.

If one of these hi-tech game cans is found in SSCC snack bars, cafeterias, vending machines, etc. immediately report it to your site Security Manager. While the can is your personal property, you must report obtaining it and immediately remove it from SSCC work spaces. As with any other two-way communications device, the hi-tech cans are not to be brought into any SSCC or other government/contractor classified facility being visited under any circumstances and must be reported to the site Security Office.

While high technology is our livelihood, all SPAWARRIORS need to be alert to technology applications that can endanger National Security and the effectiveness of our support to the war fighters. Please report similar applications by marketers, etc. to your Security Office so the information can be widely disseminated. (ed. note: Just doing my duty here, folks!)

USA Today website

Coca-Cola website
Link to Flash window
See how the can works

GOVERNMENT PERSONNEL/AREA SECURITY COORDINATORS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR POSTING THIS INFORMATION WHERE APPROPRIATE AND PASSING TO IN-HOUSE CONTRACTORS WHO DO NOT RECEIVE SSCC EMAIL.

Patriotic 'Muricans we are, this was the first response to the email:

This is why I drink Diet Rite manufactured by Royal Crown. Pepsi and Coca-Cola have been involved in turf battles and political intrigue around the world for so long that they've lost the bubble (no pun intended), so I stick with the home-grown domestic patriotic product. :)

The Enemy is Everywhere. I knew I hated marketers. First junk mail. Then telemarketing. Then spam. Now this.

B*st*rds. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels!

It's not an efficient way to get in.. but think of the productivity hit the government took in the discussions and analysis leading up to this email - not to mention the hit after - as everyone gathers to chat, hoot, and shake their heads.

And ya *know* someone is going to score one of these things now.

And the marketers are laughing at me right now, and I give them free exposure to my leetle readership.

John | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBack (9) | Computers and Privacy | Global War on Terror (GWOT) | I think it's funny! | Observations on things Military
» Dean's World links with: Unexpected Military Threat
» The Indepundit links with: I'm Not Making This Up!
» The Politburo Diktat links with: Fraternal Links
» The Indepundit links with: I'm Not Making This Up!
» Useful Fools links with: Al Qaeda Cola
» Mudville Gazette links with: MilBlogs:
» SlagleRock's Slaughterhouse links with: Coca Cola A Danger To National Security
» No Quarters links with: Coke, it's the real spy??
» Mudville Gazette links with: Comedy and Tragedy from MilBlogs
Comments on (Tongue Firmly in Cheek) Al-Qaeda Cola?
Jeff briefed on June 30, 2004 10:17 AM

Is that notice from SPAWAR?

Sigivald briefed on June 30, 2004 01:01 PM

Even better, Diet Rite tastes better that either Coke or Pepsi's diet offerings. (Surcalose isn't as godawful-tasting as aspartame.)

And plain old non-diet RC is good, too. I still think nothing beats classic Coke, though.

SpaceMonkey briefed on June 30, 2004 01:13 PM

Coke C2 is linked to national security risks as well. See link above.

Dark Riders briefed on June 30, 2004 01:22 PM

Neat! Too bad they didn't put those trackers in diet coke. I'm kinda of addicted to the stuff.

Gary and the Samoyeds briefed on June 30, 2004 09:46 PM

We got a very similar notice from our security office. As a private company (Raytheon), they are a little more trusting in that you are trusted to check the cans yourself.

Da Goddess briefed on June 30, 2004 11:35 PM

Oh, I'd be so busted if I were to have that thing with me at work. HIPAA and all. Can't have those phones around my monitors, either.

What's a girl to do?

Oh yeah....not. drink. Coke.

Justthisguy briefed on July 1, 2004 01:48 AM

Now, if I were running yer shop, I'd see this as an opportunity to have some fun. Inspect the packages, of course, and if you get one of the lucky cans do the 2600 on its pitiable nasty little system. Ya know, dirty hacker/soldier tricks. Lessee, first we give'm some belching and farting noises, then we extract the gizmo from the can and strap it to, oh, a rabid skunk, maybe, and turn it loose in the lobby of Coke HQ in Atl.? (In a Faraday cage in between, of course.)

Just a first thought. I betcha minds more creative than mine could do better.

DDN briefed on July 1, 2004 03:11 AM

But wouldn't it be easier to just ban Coke from secure facilities? There's actually no Constitutional right to have your product sold _everywhere_. (Really. I checked!)

That would seem to be more efficient than searching every can of Coke coming into anywhere secure. If anyone complains, send 'em to Gitmo! ;)

Tammi briefed on July 1, 2004 07:09 AM

Being an ex Pepsi employee (whose retirement is still somewhat invested with their success) I'm all for banning Coke from secure facilities. I also like the idea of strapping the tracker to a rabid skunk and turning it lose in Coke HQ Atl. (but then I'm a bit twisted when it comes to competition!) :)

PointyHead briefed on July 6, 2004 06:26 AM

Well, a great big Duh-huh. Unless the cans are activated, there's no problem. If you find the can, and you are in a secure environment, DON'T ACTIVATE IT. Take it home, and then claim the prize.

Doh!

LJONES briefed on July 7, 2004 10:49 PM

How about this one? What if the contains something other than GPS/phone. Find one planted somewhere, examine it, push the button and boom!

tickling briefed on August 31, 2004 06:31 PM

That's so funny!

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