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May 09, 2004

Excellent Idea shamelessly copied from Dean Esmay.


1) She was born in St. Louis, Missouri. sometime in the latter half of the 20th Century.

2) She collects Christmas Santas.

3) She collects frogs. Or rather, she has a large collection of frogs her husband used as bribes to get back in the house after traveling for bidniz. Oddly, they don't sell frogs in Kuwait. Or Bolivia. Though you can get reproduction pornographic Incan oil lamps in Bolivia - which she loves.

4) She's an avid consumer of heroic fantasy - and has a slight preference for female authors vice male.

5) She was named for a character in Little Women.

Read the rest in the extended post.

6) Once she starts a book - she reads it anytime, anywhere she can. Which of late means on airplanes.

7) She wants people to know that we named our cat Gandalf because he's grey and somewhat mystic - and he's older than the movies. I.e., we read the books a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far, away.

8) She's a product of Catholic girl's schools. The repressions from which her husband still derives advantages, if ya know what I mean. In her case, it's true what they say...

9) She's a graduate of a Jesuit university with a psych degree. The results of which her husband still suffers from.

10) She's not so much a workaholic as she is a perfectionist in her work. Whatever it takes to get the job done right, the first time. She does not suffer fools gladly. Except me, JMH.

11) She was married to a lawyer for 18 years, the most useful products of which was our son and her divorce.

12) She dropped the lawyer and picked up a stray soldier, instead. She assures me she got the better end of the deal. Hmmm. If you say so, dear.

13) She smoked for a long time.

14) ...and hasn't for a long time.

15) She's the daughter of a brewer who worked for Falstaff in St. Louis.

23) Her father sued the bastard who bought Falstaff and destroyed the reputations of the management there in order to fire them and keep the pensions. It went to the Supreme Court. Her father prevailed. Funny how the newspapers splashed the accusations on the front page, and the vindication buried below the fold in the middle. Bastards. She still carries scars from that.

24) She was a social worker in Kansas City. Many of the places she went, she wish she could have gone armed.

25) Being a social worker made her more conservative, and started her on the road to rescue from being a liberal.

26) She was a Democratic Party Block Captain. She's not repentant, but she's not proud, either.

27) She's not a Republican.

28) She's artistic.

29) She likes to paint.

30) She's good at it.

31) She likes to do stained glass.

32) She's good at it.

33) She wants to do pottery, but getting that damned stuff centered on the wheel is, well, tough.

34) She loves the gun collection. And the militaria stuff that goes with it.

35) She knows what's in the collection, and can spot good stuff at gun shows.

36) She can bargain like a champ. Her husband is a wuss who pays full price. Another reason she goes to gun shows with him - preservation of the budget.

37) She was an Army reservist. When the Army Reserve was being downsized and realigned in the late 70's, they basically just told her to go home. Might be why she doesn't care about Bush leaving the Guard early.

38) She loves to shoot.

39) She really likes shooting black powder.

40) She's a good shot.

41) Her favorite cartridge rifle is the SKS.

41) She likes porn as much as her husband does.

42) She wants to get a pistol, but has strength problems with cocking automatics. Revolvers, well, she wants more capacity - if she's gonna shoot something, she prefers a swiss cheese-looking result.

43) Having hung around with lawyers for 18 years, she sees them as a necessary evil, but wouldn't want her non-existent daughter to marry one, or her son to become one. Having hung around with a lawyer for 19 years himself, her son doesn't want to become one (though he loves his Dad)

44) She's a feminist in that she thinks boys and girls should be treated equally. She thinks NOW-style feminists are a drag on the gender and a hindrance to progress anymore.

45) She's a computer geek. She's a female, middle-aged computer geek in a field dominated by young men.

46) She finds that many young men have real problems with their mother being better at computer stuff than they are. And will seek an answer from a man, and be happy with it - even though it's the same answer she gave them and they weren't happy with it.

47) That's why she's a feminist. She really gets chapped when an overseas customer, who is also a member of a famous religion of peace, tells her, "I must speak to a man, you can not possibly know anything "- and is happy with the same answer from a man that was not acceptable from her. Hence the desire for large-cap magazines.

48) She's adopted. So's her sister. Guess who's pro-life? She doesn't carry it to the extreme of hating pro-choice people though. She gets along just fine.

49) She has family on her mother's side who are really, really, into "blood" as in, "Blood family", "good blood, bad blood", etc. Her mother, of course, did not suffer from this. But Aunt Jean sure does.

50) Some of Aunt Jean's children have molested children. Including family. What's that about blood, again? Gimme a mutt, anytime!

51) She's very funny, but can't tell jokes because she has no idea how to deliver a punchline.

52) She is now tolerant of flying. Something to do with flying somewhere just about every week for the last six months.

53) She's been home for a whole week about 6 times, scattered over time since October. Her employer had better recognize that fact this next assessment cycle - or she might have a new employer.

54) She earned her nervousness about flying. When she was a teenager, her family was flying a turboprop to Chicago from St. Louis. When she looked out the window, she noticed the engine was on fire.

55) The flight attendant lost it, screaming "We're going to die!" over and over. Beth's Dad did the only unchivalrous thing he'd ever done in his life. He cold-cocked the attendant.

56) The aircraft landed safely in a farmers field. The trip was continued by bus. The fact that she flies at all is a monumental achievement.

57) Margaritas help.

58) She bought her husband machine guns for Christmas two years in a row. Don't know how Christ feels about it - but she's married because of it. Well, there's a little bit more to it, but...

59) She loves to have her husband cook.

60) She loves to cook, except after a long day. See number 59.

61) She likes Emeril Live, Good Eats, and Iron Chef.

62) She likes Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, This Old House, Norm Abram's New Yankee Workshop.

63) She also likes Junkyard Wars and Monster Garage.

64) She's Catholic, and defends the faith - though she hasn't been to Mass in years. She does not like pushy evangelicals. She doesn't mind religious fundamentalists - as long as they keep it amongst themselves. She assures me that Catholics do not eat Nun's babies. I believe her. I know people who do not.

65) She loves living in a small town.

66) She hates "5 house variation on a theme" developments. And when did the memo come out that only earth tones could be used in Johnson County? Was there an explosion at the colored-paint pigment factory and all that's left is mud?

67) She much prefers the eclectic mix of housing in Leavenworth, where rich and not-so-rich, and very not-rich mix pretty well.

68) She wants to vacation some day in Ireland - and do a bed-and-breakfast tour on horseback. She thoroughly enjoyed her first trip to Europe last fall when she went to England.

69) She has an amazingly eclectic taste in music. Barber's Adagio to Enya, to The Cranberries and Blink 182 - in the same session.

70) She is as non-athletic as they come. Except in certain forms of gymnastics, if ya know what I mean.

71) She does not need a boob job.

72) She likes the Arsenal's artillery stuff - and can usually stand it when the Armorer waxes eloquent bloviates about how it works. She has the 'politely interested' face down pat.

73) She loves critters. She would have been a veterinarian, except for organic chemistry and the fact that they told her women don't do that. See entry on feminist.

74) She is baffled by knee-jerk leftist redistributionists who really think they are moderate centrists. She thinks the same thing of knee-jerk rightwingers.

75) She didn't realize how much she liked cats until she met her husband. She'd had cats before, but she'd never had a herd.

76) She drives herself to distraction, because she likes the power her career gives her, but feels guilty she doesn't keep house like a stay-at-home Mom can. And has trouble believing that her husband doesn't mind at all - and let's get a maid.

77) If she won the lottery, she'd be downstairs in an instant, trying to get that damn clay ball to center.

78) While she has at times grumped at her husband for some of his larger, non-functioning weapon systems that get in the way - there is a $1200 kiln in the garage that hasn't ever been fired - but has been out there for three years. (See entries 10, 53).

79) One good thing about travel, especially to the coast - she gets to indulge in seafood.

80) When she managed a Quik Trip, she herded her customers into the walk-in freezer during a tornado. She was Quik-Trip's first female store manager.

81) Her lawyer husband made her quit working. When she divorced him, she cleaned houses to make ends meet.

82) She got a job with Sprint as an inbound sales rep for $17K a year. She didn't know much more about computers than how to turn one on. 10 years later she's an in-demand computer consultant who installs network management software for hospitals across the nation and manages them around the globe. And before her husband got promoted - made to the penny what he did (he's been doing this for 20 years, she half that time). He expects she'll catch up or exceed him this next assessment cycle for her. You don't have to be a twenty-something to be a good computer nerd.

83) She has two horses, that she feels guilty about because she can't ride them often enough.

84) She met her husband through a politics discussion board on Prodigy.

85) She won ribbons as a competitive rider.

86) She loves art museums.

87) She likes Las Vegas.

88) Mountains! Ummmmm, mountains.

89) Evergreen forests! Ummmmm, smell that pine.

90) She has a green thumb. She just forgets to use it now and then, resulting in mass die-offs and loss of biodiversity around the house.

91) She cries at movies.

92) She likes comedies, martial arts movies, and chick-flicks.

93) She always tastes everything while cooking.

94) She's a little obsessive-compulsive.

95) She's more opinionated than her husband, who's a milquetoast avoider of controversy.

96) She's a goer. Know what I mean?

97) She has a vivid fantasy life, if ya know what I mean.

98) She made her husband blog (mostly so she could then do so... safety in numbers, doncha know).

99) She's the center of my Universe, though I don't tell her that very often.

100) I love her.

Happy Mother's Day, sweetheart.

John | Permalink | Comments (15) | Observations on things Military
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